Memories Hidden

Memories Hidden

By: Gavin Warren

Standing by the side of the road, Patrick watched the cars go past, knowing what had happened here several years before. The smell of gasoline brought back memories of that day, one that would be stuck in his head for the rest of his life. He knew that it had been mostly his fault. It had been such a windy day that fateful winter morning. It was a day that he relived in his head much more than he wanted to. He was only 15 when it day happened. He and his friend Collin had just been goofing around on the side of the road, off to the side in the bushes where a car couldn’t see them. They were having fun throwing nice, well-packed together snowballs at the cars coming around the bend. They got a few horns to honk at them, even though the drivers couldn’t see them. Then it came. That one car he would always remember coming around the bend. It was a Toyota Camry, with a tan coat of paint. Collin tossed a nice packed snowball to him, and chuckled a bit, since this was such a good form of entertainment for them. Patrick leaned his arm back, and swung his arm forward, watching the snowball fly through the air, and, in the most unexpected turn of events, through the open window of the car. The cushioning yet cold sound of the snowball hitting the driver, and the immediate sound of brakes screeching and sliding on the icy and snowy road were noises that still rang in Patrick’s head years later. The car did not stop, and slid off of the road, and as it tried to turn to stop, it slammed full force into a tree on the driver’s side of the car. Patrick and Collin both froze, but knew they had to leave there as soon as possible.

 After the car had crashed, the two boys just stared at what they had done, and as Patrick turned back once more to look at the wreckage, he turned his head back towards where Collin was, to see him fast-walking away from the road, deeper into the forest, on his way out of there, not wanting to get caught. When the boys got back home, they discussed the situation, and both agreed to never tell anyone about it. Surprisingly, they were able to do so. It wasn’t until later that they both found out about the crash, and how the driver had been killed instantly upon hitting the tree. Yet, they were still able to keep things under wraps.

Now at 19 years old, Patrick still had the thoughts in his head, and had had nightmares about it the past several nights. He still saw Collin plenty, but Collin had done a good job of shutting it out of his mind. Patrick however, had not. It popped up at least once or so every other day. His way of coping with it was unorthodox, but he convinced himself that he had had nothing to do with the accident, and that it had been ice on the road. Of course, this belief would not last. He saw it so many times in his dreams; he knew it couldn’t have been ice. He knew that he hadn’t meant to cause this man’s death, yet he knew he couldn’t own up to what had happened.  As of now however, he was on his way now to a date with a beautiful girl, who he had met in the same writing class the other day at the community college they both attended. Her name was Julie, and she was one of the most beautiful girls that he had ever seen.

As he thought about the horrible day once again, since it crossed his mind at least several times a day (especially when driving on that specific road), yet he just kept suppressing the memory, he was on his way to a quaint little diner to meet up with Julie. He was happy to have something to take his mind off of that horrible event. She was a wonderful girl, and he was very happy that she said “Yes” to a date. He hoped that the date would go well. He smiled at the thought of the first memory and meeting he had with her. They were discussing their favorite James Bond movie, and having a very informative discussion about them, and who their favorite actor was for playing the famous 007 spy. Those movies were a big obsession of his, and it wasn’t often that he met someone who seemed to love it as much as he did. He wanted to get to know this girl even more. So, by the end of their first big conversation, he asked her out on a date. Julie giggled flirtatiously at the idea, and told him that she would love to. And with that, Patrick had a date with this wonderful James Bond-loving girl.

 Finally, after driving for about 10 minutes or so, he arrived. Once parked, he walked into the diner. Seeing Julie sitting there in the waiting area, he smiled. She looked beautiful with her brown eyes and black hair, and when she saw him, she smiled back. “Hey Patrick”, she said, “I’m glad you could make it, I’ve been looking forward to this.” Patrick had zoned out a bit once again, entranced by her beauty, and snapped back into reality when she finished speaking. “Me too, you look beautiful.” He replied. She smiled back, and she stood up, and went over to Patrick and gave him a big hug. As he felt her arms go around him, Patrick knew that he was happy. He knew that she was special. Something seemed different about Julie, like he knew her somehow from the past, but couldn’t figure out why. The look of her face reminded himself of a man, a man who looked similar enough to be related to her. However, he couldn’t put his finger on it with anyone that he really knew that looked like her. Just of a face, a face that stuck in his mind for whatever reason. For now, he just decided to shake off this idea. As the waitress directed them to their booth, Patrick hoped that this date would go well. He knew in his heart that he really liked this girl.  After being seated, they both ordered water and began to look at the menu. “So Julie was it a long drive to get here?” asked Patrick, eager to start chatting with this girl. She giggled a bit at this, and it appeared to Patrick that she was in a very good mood. “Well to see someone as cute as you, it didn’t seem too long. But I’m not too far from here. I drove that piece of shit car I have to get here.” “Oh nice, heh heh…” chuckled Patrick. “Which one is yours?” She pointed to a car between a red pickup truck, and a blue Honda Civic. Patrick’s jaw dropped at the sight of it. It looked nearly the same as the car from the incident. “Did…did you get it from your parents?” he asked, fearful of the answer. Julie blew one of her bangs out of her face, and her face became a bit more solemn at his question. “My mom got it for me, from the money that we got from…from….” she seemed to have a hard time uttering the last bit, “from my father’s car crash that killed him. He was on his way home to us, and he lost control on this one road and crashed into a tree on the driver’s side. He was…he was killed instantly. After his death, my mom was distraught, yet was eventually able to pull herself again for my two younger siblings and I. She ended up working two jobs, and we didn’t have much. At times, we didn’t have much around the house. Our relatives helped us eventually get back on our feet, but…but….I know living that way for several years of my life wasn’t good. I’m sorry for putting this all on you Patrick, I just…I just…miss him a lot… ” Patrick did his best to hold himself together after hearing all that. She had no idea that he was the reason her father hadn’t made it home that night, and that he was the reason for why she was upset right now. All these years he had been reliving those events in his head, not realizing that this man he had watched die was this poor girl’s father. He couldn’t imagine what it would have been like if she could see into his mind, and watch the clip on replay in his head. He had taken her father away from her, and he had no idea what to do or say. “I have to go to the bathroom. Be right back”, he said as he stood up to leave, and walked past her, patting her on the shoulder in order to comfort her, even if it was just a small amount.

He fast-walked into the bathroom and went to the sink. He turned the knobs, cupped some water in his hands, and splashed in on his face. “I can’t tell her….I just…I can’t let her know. It would destroy her. She was near tears already, and I don’t know how she will take it”, he muttered to himself. “I can’t do it…” he said once again. “Yes you can” said a voice. Patrick looked up, and saw a man in the mirror. He had short dark black hair, and brown eyes, the same color as Julie’s. Patrick knew who this man was. It was her father, her dead father. This wasn’t the first time this had happened. Patrick had been haunted by this ghost for years, but had no reason to talk to it till now. Whenever he had seen it before, he chose to just look away, until now, when he couldn’t take his eyes off of this man. “You must tell her what happened, young man”, Julie’s father said. “But…but…I can’t!” exclaimed Patrick. “I can’t bear to tell her that I’m the reason that you aren’t there!” The man walked closer to Patrick. “My daughter has been dealing with this pain for the past several years, and so has my wife. Tell her so she can finally move on. Do it for my sake.” He said, with a sad yet accepting look on his face. Patrick thought about what Julie’s father had said, staring down at the sink. “You’re right”, he said, “You’re right. I will tell…” he looked up and saw no one. Scared by what had just happened, he splashed a bit more water on his face, and left the bathroom.

            Sitting back down with Julie, Patrick knew what he had to do. He looked at her face, appearing to have been a bit bored since he had been gone. “Julie…there’s something important that I need to tell you”, he said in the most serious tone he could, even if he was still a bit terrified. Julie lifted her head up, eager to hear. “What is it Patrick?” she asked, in a very quizzical tone of voice, wondering what it could be. “I…I…I am the reason why your father didn’t make it home that night. I was throwing snowballs at cars with my friend a few years ago on the side of Ridgewood Road, the one that leads to this diner; I think you know what I am talking about. A...a…anyways, so…I threw a snowball, and your dad’s window was open, and it hit him, and….and…it caused him to crash. I’m so sorry, Julie. I was foolish and young then, and I know I can never make up for it. But…now that I found out who he was to you, I just had to tell you. I had to.” He said, finishing his speech. He looked at Julie, curious with how she was taking the news. Her eyes were welling up with tears, and she looked like she was about to start sobbing, until all of a sudden, her face shifted to a face of pure anger instead. “YOU? YOU’RE THE REASON WHY MY DADDY NEVER MADE IT HOME THAT NIGHT? BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID “BOYISH ANTICS”, I WAS LEFT WITHOUT A FATHER, CAUSING MY MOM TO WORK FULL TIME, AND CAUSING ME THEN TO HAVE TO RAISE MYSELF? AS WELL AS CAUSING THE LIVES OF MY SIBLINGS TO BE JUST AS SHITTY? YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN JUST APOLOGIZE LIKE THAT, AND TAKE BACK ALL THE PAIN YOU HAVE UNKNOWINGLY CAUSED ME THESE PAST FEW YEARS? FUCK YOU PATRICK! FUCK YOU TO HELL AND BACK AGAIN. I HOPE YOU SUFFER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH THIS GUILT, OR BETTER YET, I HOPE YOU ROT IN JAIL, YOU FILTHY PIECE OF SHIT!!!” With a very forceful swing of her hand, she smacked Patrick across the face with all the strength she could muster with this anger. It felt like he had been punched in the face instead of a slap for Patrick, and it took him a while to register it, just long enough for him to realize her dumping both glasses of ice cold water on his head. He didn’t see her leave, but he knew she had gone. Once he had gathered himself together, with all eyes in the diner on him, he got up, and walked out of the diner. Her car was already gone, but he knew that she had been there by his car with all the clear dent marks left in the side door and back of the car. He climbed into his car, turned on the ignition, and started driving home.

            He made himself go back down that road where it had all happened. He was just about to turn around the bend, when he saw what he wasn’t expecting. Several cop cars, an ambulance, and Julie’s car, slammed into a tree. It looked just like her father’s crash, and for a moment, he thought it was, until he saw the paramedic open the passenger side door, and pull out ever so slowly, a lifeless body with long black hair. Patrick just about lost it at this moment, seeing the girl who’s life he had ruined now over and now a lifeless corpse, but was able to hold himself together just a bit longer, long enough to make it to the cop car. He opened the door to the back of the cop car, and was just about to climb in, when a cop stopped him. “Hey boy! What are you doing?” he bellowed. “Going where I belong.” Said Patrick, as he climbed into the cop car and closed the door. He was just about to start sobbing when he felt a presence on both sides of him. He thought it was cops, but when he looked up, he instead saw two people. It was a man and a girl who looked similar enough to be father and daughter. It was Julie and her father. They both just looked straight head, and said nothing. Patrick knew what they were. Their ghosts, doomed to haunt him forever, no matter where he went. And with this realization, he began sobbing.